Until the last decade or two, if you possessed alpha female characteristics you might have tried to hide them. Those characteristics include competitiveness, aggressiveness when necessary, self-directedness, persistence, tenacity, determination and a strong sense of mission. A woman with these characteristics can also have charisma, which she can use to charm others into getting her way and accomplishing her goals. She also knows how and when to move from charisma to using intimidation to achieve her ends; she may overtly threaten to leave or hurt in one way or the other, someone who thwarts her.
In the past, growing girls and women were taught to submerge these characteristics. Sometimes they were shamed or punished or even physically harmed when they used them. Today, those characteristics are applauded and rewarded, especially in the world of business and profession. Today you can be proud of them.
Alpha designates “the first” and we first started designating this to the leaders of animal packs, such as wolves; often wolf packs have female as well as male alphas. About 40% of the human female and male population is alpha. At their best, these characteristics allow the alpha female to fiercely protect and provide for herself and her family and to be a leader in the workplace and in her community.
They also prevent others from trying to take advantage of her, her family and her friends. If anyone should try, the alpha female will shun them, leave them, find ways to get them eliminated (for example, subtly or overtly getting them fired from the workplace), or emotionally hurt them. She can be the Ice Queen like the best of them. Different from alpha males, women with alpha female characteristics tend to run in packs. God help the poor man who offends one of the pack, because the whole pack will be seeking their revenge on him. If he offends one, he offends them all!
In her marriage or couple relationship however, those same characteristics that make the alpha female successful in the outside world can often ruin a relationship. Alpha female characteristics may leave a woman short and impatient with her partner; she may not want to take the time to listen to his point of view. She often feels like listening to her mate is pointless because in her opinion he’s an idiot, there’s one right way, and it’s hers! She often competes with her mate, or issues commands instead of working in teamwork. She can be critical.
A male in relationship with an alpha female may often find himself agreeing with his mate even when he feels differently because arguing with her is a wearing process and she’s likely to win in the end anyway. He often feels like a “Yes man” and the marriage may feel to him like one in which he is dominated; to her it may feel boring because there is no one to meet her in her strength and power. The marriage or partnership may feel lifeless. A woman with these characteristics married to an alpha male may find herself constantly fighting or burying her alpha female characteristics because he is dominant. In either case, the relationship may not be a happy one.
Some women with alpha female characteristics enjoy the thrill of success in the business, executive or professional world. Then, at midlife they realize that they have neglected to start a family and the biological clock is ticking. In reviewing their lives to date, they may see a number of failed relationships. She has chalked them up to “just haven’t found the right man”, or “they were all wimps” or other variations of those themes. They may anticipate a future in which she dies alone and lonely, with no partner or no children. She may not realize that the characteristics that bring her success in the outside world may be undermining her in relationships. Even if 80% of her activities support and enhance the relationship, the 20% of her activities that spring from her alpha characteristics are enough to destroy the relationship.
If you are a woman who has alpha female characteristics who dreams of a successful partnership, Winning at Love is there for you. While the book is titled and written to the audience of alpha men, the authors address the particular problems and differences for alpha women. Many of the underlying problems and solutions apply to women as well as to men. The book provides step-by-step recipes for attitudes and behaviors that enhance relationship success. Women will find that by putting these steps into practice, she can have the love life or marriage of her dreams.
Want to learn more about the alpha female characteristics? Get your copy of Winning at Love today!
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