The Alpha Female

The alpha female comprises 40 percent of the female population and 20 percent of the total population.  If you are an alpha female, you may have been a tomboy when you were younger. You may be a mover and shaker in the business world, or a successful professional. You may be in a career that was traditionally male- dominated, such as a firefighter or aviator.  Or you may own your own business or trade, such as being a successful horsewoman.

 “Alpha” designates “the first” and we first started designating this to the leaders of animal packs, such as wolves. Many wolf packs have both an alpha female and an alpha male. They are usually the strongest and the bravest, the leader of the pack. In humans, they possess such attributes as dominance, confidence, and a take-charge attitude. They have a high level of self-directedness, as they doggedly go about their goals. They can be aggressive, competitive high achievers, with a strong sense of mission. They can be bold, creative innovative thinkers. Often highly successful in the world, the traits of persistence, tenacity, determination and steadfastness help her to achieve her goals. In the business setting they will often do less damage than their alpha male counterparts, because one of their means of success is to tend and befriend other alphas, especially other females. They often run in packs with other alphas, and the male who offends one member of the alpha female pack is going to have to deal with many members of the pack.

They can be trained not to let others take advantage of them, and if anyone should try, the they are trained to hurt them in such a way that they will think twice before they ever try to do that again. They don’t blink first in a stare-down. They are trained to compete, and to win.

On top of it all, they are often blessed with high levels of charisma, which they can use to charm others into agreeing with them. They are often good at persuasion, sometimes arguing with others until they either agree with them or shut up. When persuasion doesn’t work, they know how to intimidate, subtly or directly.

If you are an alpha female fifty years or older, you may have had to hide your alpha traits. As a child, you may have been labeled “boyish” or “unladylike” or “aggressive” or “uppity” or “inappropriate”. As you got older, when you exercised these traits, you may have been labeled as a “bitch.”    In some cases, it was socially, or even physically dangerous to show your competitive, powerful self. You may have had to develop slyer ways of meeting your goals, such as manipulating others, or withholding information. Or you may have learned to be mean, or actually be bitchy.  Younger alpha women are now entering the executive, professional and political world, and don’t have to hide their nature as much.

They are born with these traits because at our best, nature created us to protect and provide for our families and our communities. Genetically, our alpha traits prepare us well for survival, for ourselves and for those we love.

In contemporary society, she may get involved with her career in a world that limits her success less than it did. Then, at midlife, she may find herself unhappy, with a nagging sense that something is missing in her life. She may realize that she got so busy, she forgot to cultivate relationships or start a family. She may have considered relationships outside of work bothersome or impractical. Yet she misses something in her life.  She may be overworking, or toying with overuse of alcohol or even drugs. She may feel a subtle or blatant emptiness when she slows down long enough from pursuing her goals. She may review a series of failed intimate relationships. She looks at other couples; she looks with new longing at babies. Some of the other couples look happy, and the she wonders how they do it. Other couples look bored with each other but stay married for the convenience. She isn’t sure she wants that. She looks into the future, and considers the possibility that she might die lonely and alone, or perhaps surrounded by admirers, but still basically alone.

If she is in a relationship, or married, her family may experience her as critical or driven. If she balances her career and relationship, especially if children are not involved, career may come first. She may find herself quick-tempered and impatient, with little time for discussion of differences with her mate. If she is partnered with a beta, her mate may consider her overbearing and bossy. If she is another alpha, the alpha female may find herself either in constant fights, cool aloof distance, or subdued herself.

Either without a partner or family, or in an unhappy relationship or marriage, she may begin to consider that maybe, just maybe, the problem may have something to do with her, even though she hates to admit it. Still, she may not have a clue what the problem is. And she doesn’t like that. After all, she is an alpha female; she is accustomed to identifying problems and solving them. The alpha female is good at that.

Winning at Love offers a clear analysis of the problem and step-by-step approaches for addressing the problems. She  will have to practice, and she is capable of that. After all, she has learned and practiced skills in becoming successful in her business, profession or trade. She has practiced skills to improve her golf game, or skiing, or walking briskly in high heels. she can practice skills that will allow usher to have a loving partnership.  She is up to it. After all, she is an alpha female.

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